Bump It UP

Have you seen this thing. It is advertised as "Bump It". It scares me. But really, it brings me back to my days in Provo, well who am I kidding, back to good ol' Utah Valley, land of the high maintenance and high hair.
I never even thought about the hair in Utah until I left it. Don't get me wrong, I miss Utah, big hair and all, but looking back, the hair is hairlarious. (get it, hardy har har).
I mean really, I've read some random blogs of girls who live in Utah, and they are blond, and all have big hair. (you know what I'm talking about) Please see picture below.


Picture from: hannah-heartbeat<3
All you have to do is google "utah big hair" and it will come up with pictures, same with flicker.

It was weird to move here and see other girls with flat hair, like myself. Or girls that don't do their hair, because they are too intellectual to care about such trivial things (thank you Uof C). But ultimately, I'm glad to know that there is a tool to get such huge hair...the Bump It. But like wearing padded underwear for a fuller butt, wouldn't you feel stupid with a contraption hidden in your hair?
I suppose it could be handy at times, like during church. You are feeling hungry, and you have 45 minutes left of a long talk from a high priest, and you just pretend to scratch your rats nest - hair, and voila, you pull out an Oreo, or some grapes. I'm changing my mind, this contraption is genius!

Spouses 101

Bill was in the law school musical, (post to come) and while he was away for many hours at rehearsal, I watched a lot of shows that I'm not allowed to watch when he is home. Such as Little People Big World (I couldn't stop crying when their family friend passed away, so sad), John and Kate Plus 8 (yes, I love TLC), next on the list of banned shows was Dogs 101 on Animal Planet. I don't know if this show is necessarily banned, but I never watch it when Bill is home. When he is home, we do constructive stuff like play Rock Band, you know, have fun, because we are fun.
So the next day, I was talking to A, my co-worker about how Bill is such a great house spouse. He shops, he cleans, and does laundry. And she was like "wow, how did you manage that?" And at that moment, my brain reverted to Dogs 101, when they featured the Weimaraner. They said "Training isn't negotiable. Must be trained, and you must start early!" And I responded back to A, "you must train them, and you must do it early on."
I'm not saying my husband of almost 4 years is a Weimaraner, but I think they are onto something. But don't worry, Bill has me trained too. I know how to turn his frown upside down - with a Coke. I learned this early on. And he HATES having the sheets tucked into the mattress at the foot of the bed.
So I would like to purpose a new show to TLC (seems more humane than Animal Planet) Spouses 101. Good idea? No?

Water Aerobics

The post you've all been waiting for, a post on water aerobics- Get Excited! So as you can see, I have lots of spare time on my hands while Bill is at work, and Citymama is out of town - boo. So what do I do? I do what any vain person would do, take pictures of my self doing ridiculous things. You can thank me that I didn't take pictures of me in the pool, that would have been too hard to do by myself. So you get the G rated version, me in clothes and in my small apartment, with a camera remote and tripod.
So lets start with the basics. Water aerobics can be done in shallow and deep water, mix it up. This move is great for about 4.5 to 5' range - A form of jumping jacks, but keep your arms in the water for maximum resistance, and cup your hands and push the water around you, and don't forget to be dramatic, all in the name of a good workout. See below.
Okay, here we have a little ab workout. So keep your legs at least shoulder length apart or wider, and twist your upper body, again use your arms for Resistance. RESISTANCE, RESISTANCE RESISTANCE!
Now it is time to bring in your dancing experience. If you are(were) a ballerina, do some ballerina moves, like plie and, well that's all the ballet positions I know. Be creative. Or do something like the grapevine, or clogging, honky tonky, or a jumping plie (this is great in deeper water, but if you are doing it in shallow water, maker sure you swimsuit it tied on securely).
If you are like me, you might have to resort to dancing like Elaine on Seinfeld, and that's okay. It still get a great workout dancing like a spaz in the water or on the coffee table.

Next we have, walk like an Egyptian, again, RESISTANCE is the key. Push water around with your arms and do some lunges in the shallow end.
And finally we have the Robot. This can be a good workout or and could be for kicks and giggles. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" I always like to say. So throw in some robot moves.
And finally how could I forget running in place or running around the pool (high knees are a must). When Deena Kastor is injured, she turns to the pool (a special workout pool) and runs in the water to maintain her fitness. Also, if you don't have a kick board, you can do a flutter kick or a breaststroke kick on the stairs.
So now what have we learned? RESISTANCE is key, (and not caring about what others think of you) and you can have a great workout!

how to name your kid

I realize that humans are a vain species. We like to see ourselves everywhere. In mirrors, in photos, our names on street signs, vanity plates, and especially in our children. But for some reason, seeing your ears on your child isn't enough. Humans like to pass on everything about themselves especially their names.

Take for instance Dion Sanders, he has a new show on and it is pretty funny. Anyway, his two oldest children are named Diondra and Dion Jr.

I know that Dion isn't the only person that does this. A Chantel might have a baby girl and name her Chantella (I saw this on the news last night)

Others like to combine their names for their children, such as Kristen and Travis would then have a Tristen or Kravis.

So to keep up with the Jone's, Bill and I will be naming all of our children the following:

Billianna

Kill

Batie

Bate

Willarvey (we have to fit in my maiden name some how and just think of it like Willaby from Sense and Sensibility)

Bill Jr.

Kate Jr.

Katrina

Will

and finally

Willthryn

For more ridiculous names see this post by my sister .

Rabbit Fur Coats

So around these parts, fur coats are the in thing to wear, well that and Baby Phat. But when one finally out grows Baby Phat (if ever) they don the ever hideous fur coat. Why I ask, why? Lets be honest, fur coats have a time and a place. So where are fur coats acceptable?

Are they acceptable at my gym? I think not.

There is a women there who wears her full length fur coat to the gym religiously. She walks in covered from head to toe in fur: fur hat, fur coat, and of course fur boots. She goes in the the aerobics room and sits down and starts stretching. Now if this were a real fur coat, do you think she would sit on a dirty hard wood floor. NO. And don't worry, there are others at the gym in fur coats.

Are fur coats acceptable at McDonald's? I hope not.

Do we really need to be working the drive through window with our fur coats on?

I think the one above also goes for any grocery store clerk gathering carts, bagging or stocking the shelves.

Can we wear fur coats to Borders? I guess you are getting warmer, but you're still pretty cool.

How about passing out advertisements for the local fur shop? Okay you are getting warmer.

And finally: If you work in a fur shop, you can wear a fur coat, I suppose -- but only because you got the pro-rate.

So the conclusion I have come to is.....(drum roll please)....... Fur coats--fake or real-- are acceptable:

• At the fur coat store


• A gala or ball


• Dinner with the President of the United States of America


• Weddings


• The Oscars


• a music video with 50 Cent

So there you have it, the do's and don'ts of fur coats.